i think i'm subconsciously sabotaging my relationship.
my depression is flaring up again for no god damn reason.
i get upset and depressed about the tiniest thing.
he wants me to tell him what's wrong.
i tell him what's wrong.
we get into long drawn-out emotional conversations.
he ends up getting depressed too.
why why why do i do this?
i found someone i can be happy with, and something inside me is freaking out and backtracking and afraid and i'm SICK of it.
and it's unfair to him!
i've woken up feeling horrible 3 days in a row.
all because i've finished a conversation with me feeling better (slightly) and him feeling worse.
my friend brad says it's because i'm finally quitting smoking.
well if it comes down to no cigarettes or behavioral problems, then bring on the nicotine, because i don't think i can continue this way.